What to Do When Mom Guilt Hits You Hard

There is a moment many mothers know all too well. You are sitting in your home office, on a work call that is running past five o’clock, while your child plays alone in the next room. Guilt creeps in. Or you are at home, folding laundry, and suddenly your world feels small. You wonder if you should be earning, contributing financially to your household, and doing more.

Mom guilt hits hard, and it often comes out of nowhere.

So, what can you do when it shows up?

Mom guilt is not logical!

Mom guilt is rarely logical, and it does not play fair. It sneaks in when you are stretched thin, juggling multiple roles, or questioning if you are doing enough.

But here is the truth: Mom guilt is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that you care deeply and are trying your best across conflicting responsibilities. That emotional tension is real and more common than you expect.

In South Africa, where the cost of living, transport logistics, safety concerns for your children and schooling logistics often complicate the picture further, the decision to work or stay home is rarely simple. The Working Women in South Africa Report 2025 data shows that 85% of skilled working women have dependants, and many carry responsibilities beyond childcare, ageing parents, extended families, and sometimes entire households. In that context, mom guilt can surface, whether you're clocking long hours at work or managing every detail of home life.

One brave mom shared her story, "I've been on both sides… For 15 years, I was a 40+ hour per week working mom and had the guilt of never getting to spend time with my kids. But now I'm a stay-at-home mom and live every day feeling like I'm not financially contributing. I do the housework, the chores, the homework, and the meals. But the guilt of not working outside the home still hits." 

Source : Mommy Memes Facebook group:

Here's the truth we rarely say out loud: mom guilt can surface whether you are working full time or managing every detail of home life.  Neither has a monopoly on guilt or sacrifice.

Are you a working mom feeling the pull to be home?

You might feel guilty for missing milestones, outsourcing school pick-ups, or not being mentally present with your children. These are familiar feelings and valid. But they do not mean you are doing it wrong.

Consider these mindset shifts:

Presence over pressure.
A focused 20-minute dinner conversation can mean more to your child than three distracted hours. Presence is not measured in time, but in attention.

Work is part of your legacy.
Whether you work out of necessity or passion, your children are watching you build something meaningful. That models resilience, purpose, and discipline—powerful lessons in themselves.

Flexibility is a real option.
If your current work structure leaves you depleted, consider alternatives like hybrid roles, part-time work, or remote contracts. RecruitMyMom connects skilled mothers with flexible opportunities that allow them to work meaningfully while remaining available to their families.

Are you a stay-at-home mom feeling like you're missing the workforce?

You might feel guilty for not contributing financially, even when your days are full to the brim. You may miss intellectual stimulation, adult conversation, or the sense of achievement that came with a career.

Here are a few truths to hold onto:

Unpaid work is still real work.
Running a home, managing your children’s needs, and caring for others is emotional and physical labour. Just because the world does not measure it well does not mean it lacks value. Quite the opposite, it is essential.

You can explore work on your terms.
If you are ready to re-engage professionally, consider freelance projects, phased returnships, or part-time consulting. These options can help you rebuild your confidence and financial independence at a pace that suits your life stage.

Wanting both is allowed.
Wanting to work does not make you less of a mother. Choosing to stay home does not make you less than. There doesn’t need to be a binary choice; there is work-life integration. It’s a balancing act to integrate both life and your career. 

Let go of the comparison trap.

A major driver of mom guilt is comparison. Social media highlight reels and polished parenting blogs can create the illusion of perfection. Working mothers may feel judged for hiring help. Stay-at-home mothers may feel invisible, undervalued, or “left behind.”

The reality is this: most mothers are doing the best they can with what they have.

Some are raising children on their own. Others are coping with grief, illness, or financial uncertainty. Some have help; others carry it all alone. Some long to work but cannot find flexible jobs. Others wish they could stay home, but cannot afford to.

There is no perfect formula, only what is right for you and your family in this season.

When the mom guilt hits, try this.

When you feel overwhelmed by guilt, try pausing for a moment and gently asking yourself:

• Is this guilt coming from my own values or someone else’s expectations?
   
• What is one thing I am doing well right now?
   
• What is one thing I can shift, release, or ask for help with this week?
   

Sometimes, talking it through with a friend, coach, or therapist can offer perspective. And if you are feeling stuck between wanting to work and needing to be present at home, register on RecruitMyMom. We specialise in meaningful, flexible work for women like you, mothers balancing it all.

There's no one right way to be a mother. And there's no trophy for trying to be it all. So, when mom guilt hits you hard, acknowledge it, but don't let it define you. You're the best mom for your child. And you're definitely not alone in this journey.